Reel 07

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Video Reel for Justin Costanzo, Editor/Media Artist.

Random Assortment of Job ideas

Where I'd like to work:

Lucas Arts
ILM
Current TV
EA-work on Spore
Blizzard-work on WoW
As an artist, working alone, or with a small group of collaborators a-la The Factory

As a think tank member
As a video artist selling work
As a painter, painting paintings
As a poet
Drawing cartoons, graphics
Writing for a game site
reviewing games
Playing games

On the hunt

I am looking for full time work again. Which requires full time attention to do so. I have so many feelings wrapped up around finding a job, submitting resumes, doing the grind. I HATE it, on one hand, its so frustrating. On the other hand, what the fuck else am I going to do. J is freaked out (with good reason) about money right now, and is sick of supporting us alone. I don't blame her, but I am also pissed off too. How did it get this bad? I mean to say, I don't understand why I don't have more motivation to try and go out and find something. Tomorrow, I'll be going to submit to a game testing position.
I've already submitted 3 resumes today, but I feel so lost right now. I don't even know what I WANT to do. Yes, video (on some level). Yes, games. Yes fulltime, with decent wages/salary ($20-25/hour seems reasonable). But I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed. This is why I tune out, shut down and log in to WoW. But now, I can't do that anymore. I am broke. I have zero prospects. I am depressed. I don't know where to most effectively devote my energy.
Last night, I made a vain attempt to quit smoking too. Of course, this morning, I was puffing away again. God damn I hate this period (last 2 years) of my life. It seems like time is getting the best of me, and all I am choosing to do is hide from any semblance of challenge. I don't seem capable of getting it together to do what I need to do right now, and this sucks. In the end, what will come of all of this? J leaves? I wind up homeless, in debt, broke? Back on drugs? Fuck man, what am I going to do to end this downward spiral?

Vicki Young, 8 Jan 1953-29 May 2007

My Mom passed away a couple weeks ago, and so it goes. The last several years have been difficult, with depression, doubt, anger, all the myriad feelings related to losing a loved one, much less a parent. Now, she was not my primary caregiver growing up. Our relationship was more akin to big sister-little brother, due to her mental illness, and flights of fancy, but nonetheless, I loved her very much, and I miss her deeply. I hope she rests in peace, she had a hard last couple of years: brain cancer, thyroid cancer, lung cancer. Peculiar that I am posting this on Father's Day, given that my Dad was the one who rescued me, i.e. raised me, but I wanted to get this blog dusted off, and this is the most occupying of my thoughts right now.

I should give my Dad a call, and tell him I love him too.