CL responds...

re: Girlfriends and Sex Parties

How 'bout this? mine is not going as far as wild sex parties like this, but what's worse is not having sex with me AT ALL. how did that happen and why are we still together? that's a long story but I'll tell you, I've gone through every unpleasent state of being conceivable.



re:girlfriend and sex party

GET OVER IT

If you have issues with her being out at that kind of party possibly having sex...THEN GO WITH HER. If she is into that kind of thing and you aren't then you two need to have a discussion and work somethings out.

I've been a swinger for years and every relationship I get into and my gf isn't in the lifestyle, I have a long, long discussion with them on what happens there and a few have gone with me....even a few of them participated and either said yea or ney. If they have an issue with it, we talk about it....then go from there. Personally, I only date bi women with swing experience because they are a little more open when it comes to me being out having fun and I personally don't care what they do as long as they are safe about it.

So, when you see her tomorrow, ask her what happened and let her know that you had those feelings and that you want to talk about it. Let her make her point and you make your point. Try to go to a party with her and see what happens. I'm assuming the place she went to was the Power Exchange (a great place).

Check it out, maybe even talk to a few people at the party and get a feel as to what really goes on there. Swinging isn't for everyone and unless you're a really open person with little to no jealously, then it isn't for you and maybe your gf isn't for you either.



re:re:girlfriends and sex parties



first off, I would have gone, had it been possible (no men allowed--except men who were once women). It is as much the fact that I cannot be there as it is her being there. As well, I am the one working to "open" the relationship, getting comfortable with branching out, etc, so she gets to play, while her not yet feeling safe, tolerating the possibility that I might do the same pretty prevents me from doing anything more than flirting.

So what?

A rant it was and ranting I will go...

Other Power Exchange events have garnered similar situations, all-girls night, bi-sexual women's groups, blah blah blah, all basically to serve the needs that I cannot fill.

Friendship, female companionship, a sense of community, being self-expressive, exploring herself emotionally/intellectually and now, sexually.

So be it.

I still love her, I am in love with her, and I know I am growing as a result of this, but sometimes I have doubts, and resentment, and want to whine about it for awhile.

Who doesn't?

What do you do when you've lost, you've surrendered, and at some point you wonder just how much more can one person hurt you?

And it feels safe somehow...

Better to be with someone than not, I guess.

Loneliness fucking sucks...

Okay. Home, its 130am and I have a bottle of Jack, four beers and a shit load of other intoxicants in me, and I spent most of the night moping about the fact that my girlfriend is at a sex party for women and transmen. I, being a guy and trying to broaden my (intellectual/emotional/spirtual) horizons, thought that if she wants to go to such things, more power to her, let loose, I say, be free, get what you want, have fun, and live it up...

BUT NOW, as I sit here, moping some more, I wonder, why?

Are women really different than men? Am I a masochist? She asks me to tell her what she can and cannot do, I say "well, do what feels right, do the right thing, though if I were going to sex party, I would have sex."

Now I'm thinking, was that a way to find out what is acceptable?

Is my being honest going to come back and haunt me?

Well, she says that she is not interested in anything that involves her pussy, or penetration, no oral sex, blah blah blah, but I am still left wondering about the motivation of someone who might go to a sex party WITHOUT the intention of having sex. That is like going to a birthday party, and passing on the cake...

Right?

A part of me wants to know where she is and go spy on her, part of me wants to make tea and get in bed and pass out, part of me wants to leave and go to the bar and pick someone up, part of me wants to pretend this is not happening, that she is just talking with her friends, and that it will all turn out okay.

I am a sucker.

I know it.

I can feel it.

It sucks.

Blah Blah....



It is all this fierce integrity.



So, when I see her tomorrow, I know I will want to know every little detail.

I will be aching for reassurance, and I hate it.



I wish it were easier to see people as objects to satisfy my desire, but I don't.

Everywhere I look is a fully real, fully aware, conscious, beautiful person.

I start to think I have it in me to take advantage of them and I feel bad.

Which isn't to say that it is taking advantage of someone to have sex with them, but at some point I realized that I just saw too much, I was too aware of someones else's feelings, expressions, thoughts, etc,total strangers, people I have had one night stands with, family, friends, etc.

Instead of growing jaded, I have become hypersensitized. I grow more aware everyday, to the nuances of facial expression, to the joys and sadnesses, that linger behind blank stares. In all of this is an utterly overwhelming devotion to innocence, beauty, niceness, and sadness. To a want to be more human, to be more accepting, more buddha-like. I know I am growing like a weed right now, but the growing pains hurt really bad.

This is a great image...

I wish I could see at that speed normally...