For Money

What will I do for money? I am thinking that I have been having unrealistic ideas (again, heh) about work, earning income, making ends meet, cash flow, what-have-you. Instead of thinking "How can I make money doing what I love?" and rejecting all other options, I am thinking why not list all (some) of what I'd do for money and what I won't do...

• I will do something creative.
• No manual labor.
• I will draw.
• I will write.
• I will sell if I believe in the people behind what I am selling, i.e. services.
• No slaving hard for less than I am worth. (less than $30/hour part-time, or $18.00/hour fulltime, benefits.)
  
• I will work hard for something I believe in.
• I will drive transportation: valet, cab driver, delivery.
• No dirty work...food service, mechanic work, factory work, anything where dirt, grease, getting dirty is routine.
  
• I will do tedious, meticulous work. (editing, graphics, layout)
  
• I will do work that requires attention to detail.
• I will do abstract thinking.
• No working for a micro-manager.
• I will work hard with autonomy; I self-manage very well..(guilt kicks in on long lunches, etc.)
• No drug tests.
• I will work salary or hourly...as long as the demands are clear for the position.
• I will improve the cultural of wherever I work, I am a magnetic person that warms my workplace.
• No drama between co-workers.
• I will work long hours.
• I will work a stable schedule.
• No graveyard shifts.
• No mindless work. (assembly, security guard, kiosk lackey, etc.)
• I will do project-based work.
• No On-Call, Floating, part-time, unstable schedules.
• I will work with people.
• I will work with technology.
• I will work with software.
• I will work with graphics.
• I will work with video.
• No soulless work: telemarketing, widget selling, canvassing/fundraising.
• I will re-locate to a city if necessary or if I find work there.
  

Hmm...what does all that add up to? Is it complete? What else might I want to add? My goal is to come up with a clear picture of the industry (industries) I'm most suited to target with my search.
Because of where I am in life, in relationship to the adjustments continuing to be made as I grow into my new old me (read: post-Justine), I keep thinking I want a job that just really fits me. One that provides a solid group of supportive people, that feels fulfilling to go do (regardless of the day to day nuts + bolts of it) and connects me to a sense that I a growing a career, now. I want to work around passionate people, knowledgeable people. I want the work culture to be forward-thinking, freedom being the rule, trust being of utmost importance. Tall orders?


What is the next thing?

Alienated + Incubated

At what point do they meet?

I've successfully reduced my social engagement from routinely interracting with up to 12-15 house mates, to maybe 2, on the average day.
I am spending large portions of my day alone, happily, most of the time. Quite excitedly to discover what makes me tick...
Today, not so much the case.

I may have seen Her again, yesterday. Well, her car.  Umm, a car like hers. At any rate, I decided I did see her, and my dreams, my falling asleep thoughts, circulated around Her.
(God...)
And there it still is, in there. wondering, hoping and aching for the effort.
Perhaps someday, it says.
Perhaps one day, again, it begs.

And yet, I know (if I know anything) its well past that point, now.
What monumental effort this has turned out to be. Had I known before, well...I guess I realize I'd still be in this position regardless.

And what is this position, anyway?

Well-
Uncertain about what the future holds...
Hopeful that it will all "turn out perfectly" Wouldn't that be nice?, I think.
Fearful when I am fatigued by maintaining faith in the darkness...
Despairing when I feel the breadth of love that has left my life, of the tenderness, the lightness.

Concretely, I sit at my computer listening to iTunes Genius mixes of Modest Mouse, Flaming Lips, the Shins, et al. Initiated by a desire to dance to the song Float On, one thing lead to another...
I am attaching all manners of meaning to the lyrics of the songs that play.
I cry, organically letting what is coming, come.
Relaxing into letting my armor fall off of me, just letting it be...



Fixated on the changing changes.
That I am living in my own room, again.
I have what I have and experience real gratitude for it.

But the fear.
Of moving forward, of not being able to go back...
Stuck. Frozen. Waiting...for?
Nothing to stop happening.
For something  to replace it.

Notes from book "Ignore Everybody and 39 other keys to Creativity"

1. Ignore everybody.
2. The idea doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours.
3. Put the hours in.
4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being “discovered” by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.
5. You are responsible for your own experience.
6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.
7. Keep your day job.
8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.
9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.
10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.
11. Don’t try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.
12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.
13. Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.
14. Dying young is overrated.
15. The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do, and what you are not.
16. The world is changing.

17. Merit can be bought. Passion can’t.
18. Avoid the Watercooler Gang.
19. Sing in your own voice.
20. The choice of media is irrelevant.
21. Selling out is harder than it looks.
22. Nobody cares. Do it for yourself.
23. Worrying about “Commercial vs. Artistic” is a complete waste of time.
24. Don’t worry about finding inspiration. It comes eventually.
25. You have to find your own schtick.
26. Write from the heart.
27. The best way to get approval is not to need it.
28. Power is never given. Power is taken.
29. Whatever choice you make, The Devil gets his due eventually.
30. The hardest part of being creative is getting used to it.
31. Remain frugal.
32. Allow your work to age with you.
33. Being Poor Sucks.
34. Beware of tur­ning hob­bies into jobs.
35. Savor obscurity while it lasts.
36. Start blogging.
37. Mea­ning Scales, Peo­ple Don’t.
38. When your dreams become reality, they are no lon­ger your dreams.

From the book "Ignore Everybody and 39 other keys to Creativity" by Hugh McLeod. Picture drawn by Hugh McLeod. copyright Hugh McLeod. gapingvoid.com. 2009.

The list is for reference purposes. I'm sure I'll be looking at this to check in from time to time.

Found this book at Borders today while on a mission to get out and do something of some variety; follow my intuition. I was looking for guidance, career advice, some kind of foci to help isolate my "next right action" as it relates to securing my next meaningful employment. I saw this book in the business section next to titles about creative capital, how living where you live impacts your professional success and fulfillment, not least of which is your personal growth i.e. happiness. Other 'now' business memes.
Trends.

But this book, similar to M.T.I.V. by Hillman Curtis, communicates like an artist talking to another artist. Humble, wise, informed but not dogmatic. Practical in an optimistic manner. Praise for the work, for doing the time. Above all else, protect the practice, protect the craft, protect the creative impulse.