I consume more than I produce

I consume more than I produce. For the average person, fine. For an "artist": bad. For the average consumer, it is expected that credit card debt will continue to mount, but what are they supposed to do, stop shopping? For an artist, sure watching a little tv, playing some video games, surfing the net, reading about interesting things is fine once in awhile, but at the rate that I consume, I am becoming more normal person and less artist everyday.

I guess I am trying to fill this dark hole in myself. Its got one hell of a suction to it, and is hungry more often than satiated. When I feel most creative, I feel like purging the toxins, bad ideas, unhealthy feelings, tenderness, from the dark void. I want to shine light into it, and look at what may or may not actually be in there, how shallow or deep it is, whether it has any texture to it, and what is the sound it makes when things are sucked inside it.

But for now, I am still trying to fill it up with new things, new ideas, old habits and grudges. Perhaps, it needs a good cleaning, perhaps it is necessary.