Buzzed

Friday evening, home from an after-work beer with co-workers. Pete, John, Bridget. They left, Bridget first, then after a bit, Pete and John. I got another beer, stubbornly. I had hoped that the night would develop differently, but it didn't. Was initially thinking I'd stay out until late tonight, but I'm home now and slightly confused, but oddly resolute in nothingness. So, I sit here, wondering about D, about what I am learning in this new phase of my life, whether I'll be able to keep it together to accomplish anything or if it'll all melt away...
Lonely.
Put a dollar in the jukebox as I contemplated my next decision. Stay out or go home?

Sweet Black Pussy DJ Quik
Achille's Last Stand Led Zeppelin
Summertime Roll Jane's Addiction

Halfway through both Achille's Last Stand and my Torpedo Sierra Nevada, I decided, while I'd like to befriend the various bike messengers people I was smoking around, I was more interested in listening to that song in my headphones, while riding home. I briefly considered going to Retox which is only a few blocks away, but I also realized that I am broke and actually need to conserve my money for awhile.
I miss deep, intimate human contact. Physical, emotional, psychic. I've neglected many relationships in my recent past. I imagine this dry period is one of atonement. I guess its necessary that see the true merit in people (especially given how hateful I've felt toward humanity lately) and being forced (due to little alternative) to be with myself, alone for long periods of time, is supposed to teach me something about being grateful. I hope I learn the lesson this time.