Friends

Over the years, I've had several different circles of friends that, while we were friends, we were tight.
Graham, Jon, Mike and I... Carlos, Adam, Alicia, Courtney... Alberto, Will, Sean, Silas... Ryan, Howard, Gretchen, Mikie, KEN! Rob & Posse...Shaggy, Kinton, Greg, Monster, Debbie (shudder)...SFAI heads...
And each time, the cycle renews itself. I gain new ones, I lose touch with the old ones.

I think its about to begin anew again.

For some time, I've not had a solid core of friends. Not since SFAI was still in full swing. I've lost touch with Albert. Linder and Lance are both in NY. Ermin is in LA. Erik still calls on occasion. Adam is around (sorta). But I am losing interest again in the work it takes to maintain the current crop of "old," friends. In the past, the best way to "let go," was just to move away. While I'm seriously considering where I want to live next, I am not planning on moving again anytime soon. What I do know is, I am sick of how boring the couple of people I know now, are. Which is definitely my fault.




I am not sure whether the Burner crowd is where I will find new friends or not, but I am no longer satisfied with the friendships I have now. I certainly checked out of life for a good couple years. In doing so, I've lost touch. For awhile, I chalked it up to the grief I was under: that the people in my life were too immature to deal with someone dealing with such a difficult ordeal. That the last few of my SFAI friends are more fair-weather than I had wanted to admit.
Now I realize its that I pushed them away. I blamed them for not being more active in trying to 'be there...'
Anyway, I am sick of feeling resentful, so I am done. Losing a couple more people now wont make much difference. I've all but lost everyone again now anyway.
So the cycle goes...
I'll be involved in a grand group of folks once again, its just a matter of time. In the meanwhile, I am happy to be alone, if it makes me happier than to be with any of you.
Which it does.
So it goes...