20 things in a list as long as the venom in my heart is pink.

What the fuck, eh? Time for an update. Last I wrote:

1. Justine and I are apart. We broke up early November. I moved out. She is (I believe) still in SF.
2. Monica got pregnant, got married, had her baby, and is now, home, on the mend. (Emily Rose Irwin, born January, 16, 2008)
   
3. Working again.
4. Smoking (and pot) again.
5. Infatuated with a girl whom I cannot disengage from to move on, and its not going anywhere, so I am going CRAZY!
   
6. dancing a lot (who knew).
7. As much of a stress ball as always, if not more so because I do #4 more than ever right now.
8. Activity wise, I play less games, write (a lot), draw more, listen to music as much as possible, drink more, cry/laugh more, but I still think too much and do WAY too little.
9. I want a car.
10. Want to find peace, move on, get over this, be happy, blah blah blah fucking blah... but in the meantime its mostly just being frustrated, feeling tense, having dark, pessimistic, nihilistic thoughts that are baseless yet compelling and, most importantly, completely victim-y.
11. Getting old.
12. Still broke.
13. Toning up, losing flab, gaining muscle.
14. Praying and talking with " " more again, but also getting really angry at " " and shaking my fist at the ceiling, screaming ultimatums, threats, etc. Probably not the most productive use of my time/energy but refer back to 10.
15. Catching up with wtf Pop Culture has been doing since I was M.I.A.
16. am fairly blah about art/Art/ART at the moment, which is a problem (I think).
17. Don't see Jeff (therapist) anymore. Miss him badly, but am too fucking prideful to pick up the phone and call him.
18. Hate all my friends most of the time because they disappoint me and flake don't live up to my expectations, yet I am so fucking clingy/needy right now I am forced to put up with superficial bullshit I'd just assume call everyone on, every time it comes up, but I don't.
19. Want to find another job because the current one I: make too little, am too distracted/bored/frustrated/resentful to find any meaning in it, and I am asked to rely on my weaknesses not my strengths. Of course, its partly responsible for 5 & 13, so there's that.
20. New Year's Eve night was INCREDIBLE. Ever since, pretty fucking lame year so far.