the very best

is what I had and am thinking that I am done trying to re-create it with anyone else.
There isn't anyone else, not like that. Not so far...

There IS art that I can make about it.

Some new person will come along and in seeing just how much I (we (we?) were in love, it'll be a testament to just how much I've already learned. I am still learning about everything that we were. That it meant and how, developmentally its all in there, deeply rooted to me. I feel that I have enough stored up to last me 20 years, if it takes that long.
And for that I just wake up every morning saying "thank you," THANK YOU.
Thank, YOU.

Moved into a new room. The rancho is fast becoming a memory. What "the rancho" now means is similar to what "Santa Barbara" means when you leave it. It is a fantasy world of creative energy, a lot of creative energy. It is not nearly as important as it feels it is when you are there a lot, I am glad to have that perspective again.
Work is coming, playing a lot of WoW, saving money.
Day dreaming, porn, smoking+writing+coffee also.
Incubating. Swimming. I have a pool, heated, light on the chlorine, very fun.
Walking several miles too, roaming this part of Santa Barbara.
Was spurned to write this now, because I listened to Bob Dylan and I teared up.
I am at one with the sadness, its always been a fairly manageable emotion for me.
I am learning to truly be at peace with being happy just being. That is a triumph.
"I do not have any idea about how to love."
I am not sure I agree with that thought, but its a thought I have nonetheless frequently.