So wtf is up with my blog

Thinking thoughts about what my blog is about now. Its been around from the beginning of sorts, and now its lost something. I may just need to delete it- but, then again why? For one, the narcisstic thing bugs me. I already journal a ton. Why write here? Recently, I've gotten some responses because it feeds directly to my facebook account. So I am now aware of an actual audience, of sorts. And I am still writing about very vulnerable things. I retract a bit just thinking about that, but why should it matter one way or another. If someone read this, was helped by it in someway, perhaps something similar was going on for them, and they found relief, I guess that makes it reasonably justifiable. Then again, its another form of ego manifesting anyway. "that my words, help."
That I'm even nearly clear enough about what I may be going through, but something is improving, so that's a good place to start...
Only way to know for sure is to be honest with my words. If I can, I can hide the truth from myself pretty well sometimes. I crave sincerity these days, and I hope that will be a motivation to cut through the bullshit better.
Also, self-love. Its amazing, really. To really, just smile, to feel ease slip over me because I am off the hook with myself for a minute, and I want to kiss me for being awesome and I laugh and then it feels like being a kid again for a bit. And that is what I am thinking is worth doing now.
And balance. Balance. B A L A N C E. heh.
If that's at all possible, but I am working it out daily. I was considering the sorts of moving on I need to do and where I can do that. It is somewhere else. I am not sure yet where. It not yet time for me to leave Santa Barbara just yet, but soon. Less than a year, I'm sure. I am looking for work in the Bay, in Chicago, in New York. The last two are for the exercise of doing it. I am looking to plant roots somewhere, I want my own place to use as a hub to travel to and fro, from. So that brings up, career opportunities. Wherever I am landing my next solid gig, SOLID, gig... I go. At least as well as RXV, with me gaining momentum, better most likely. I feel like amazing things are coming and I am quite grateful for what is, now.
Soo grateful.