Those that really know me, know I can be pretty fucking hard on my self. Outright mean, sometimes. Evil. And in the past, I used that as a means to motivate myself toward doing what I thought was what I should be doing. To work hard at something I was bad at, to 'buckle down' and humble myself to submit.
As a result of the last few years of growth, learning, life experience and aging I have found that being hard on myself is less effective. Frankly, it doesn't work at all. After a bout of it, I often smile to myself. I know Something. I know that I know Something, and yet I am unconcerned that I do not really know what it is. I feel grace in the awareness that I Know. And that knowing is directly related to belief. And belief is the magic of what life is all about. Believe. Not think, not hope, not want, not NEED, but...Believe.
And understanding that doubt, fear, uncertainty are doing exactly what they are designed to do. To believe is to understand that that will pass. Belief will never pass as long as you believe. Simple and elegant and just how I like truth.
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